I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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