1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
