Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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