he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
