you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
