once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
