ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
