Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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