I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
