nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
