I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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