Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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