i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
