Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am one with the molecules
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
