fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
