First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
