party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
