I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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