do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Farmville is her only friend.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
