I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
