Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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