I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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