I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
