You smell like stripper and shame
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
