apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
