she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
