why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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