i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
