i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
