In the future we'll all be gay
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
