guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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