is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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