WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
