Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
