1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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