He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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