I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
