what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
