I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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