I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
