Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
