I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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