i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
