They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
