Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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