Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
