my mouth tastes like poor choices
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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