I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
