Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
