just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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