its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
