Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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