your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize