I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wish there were birth control emojis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize