You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
