the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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