i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
