Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
