I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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