I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
