just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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