Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
