Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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