Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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