the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
