Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
