I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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