don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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