To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
