I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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