I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
