I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
