We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Found your dick twin last night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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