I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize