So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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