Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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