Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
