I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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