She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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