Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize