i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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