My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
