on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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