Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
