Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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