I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
