I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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