i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
