i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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