Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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