I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
