Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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