Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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