We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
