I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
