Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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