Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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