Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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