He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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